We're like a lot better than the average bears
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
