be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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