He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize