Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
