Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
