yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
