Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
