i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
