I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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