Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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