So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
