Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
