Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
