Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize