oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
