im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
