So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
handjob tips. give me some.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
