You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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