she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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