Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
