You smell like a Billy Joel song
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
