i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
