According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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