I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
