my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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