I wish they made helmets for livers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
