Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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