What did we do last night that was yellow?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize