Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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