The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
