I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
