I wish my penis had an off switch
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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