Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Houston, we have a blender
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
