SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
