I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
