he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
