I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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