I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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