then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
