my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
