I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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