just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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