Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
