i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All I want is dick and wine.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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