the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
