The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
