forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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