At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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