True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
