I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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