rhymes with "ouble enetration"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
