I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize