Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
