I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
someone owes me an orgasm
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
