to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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