Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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