The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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