Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
