You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Green mimosas i think yes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
