i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
