Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
