I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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