he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
