I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This baby is an asshole
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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