The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
