If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
