nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
