Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
