so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
