Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize